


If You Let It Be

by Ellejabell



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bullying (off screen), Cannon Divergent, First Kiss, First Time, M/M, MWPP, Marauders' Era, Sort of a songfic but not really, Surius is bad at emotions, The Prank, This seems to be a theme for me, time jumps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-04 06:45:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16341818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellejabell/pseuds/Ellejabell
Summary: They say our choices define us. 4 moments where Remus Lupin has the opportunity to choose the path his future will take and maybe, in so doing, get what he wants.





	If You Let It Be

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was rather heavily inspired by the song "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" by Roberta Flack. I didn't go full songfic and include the lyrics before each section but here is a link to the song in case anyone wants it. Check it out!

       Remus Lupin loves beautiful things. Always has. Shiny rocks, and untouched snow, and his mother’s yellowing, wedding gown. He loves the way that they make people brighten and glow, the way that they seem to give and give and take nothing for themselves. Remus Lupin loves beautiful things because he feels so full of ugliness sometimes that he thinks it may be all he is made of.

  
       The first day of Hogwarts is full of beautiful things. The cherry red train and the glassy black lake, the impossibly huge man that greets them with the impossibly huge castle looming behind him. His gaze is held transfixed by the building with its turrets and ivy covered walls. He thinks he may never move again just stand there and look, and look, and look.

  
       Then a commotion behind him and a sudden shove causes him to pitch forward and sprawl inelegantly in the dirt. Someone is apologizing through a breathless laugh and a hand is proffered and as he turns to accept it he sees the boy. Impossibly black hair and a face full of mischief, he is, in that moment, undoubtedly the most beautiful thing that Remus has ever seen.

  
       “Sorry,” the boy says and as he hauls Remus up the two stumble awkwardly together. Remus is too overwhelmed, too taken with this boy who has a face full of sunlight and eyes like the moon, so he says nothing. The other boy regards him oddly but shoves a hand in the space between them, grasping Remus’s own, and blazes forward.

  
       “I’m Sirius, Sirius Black.”

  
       And of course he is. It makes perfect sense that this boy should be named for a star.

  
       “And who are you?” Sirius asks when Remus once again fails to speak. But before he can muster a response a loud voice is summoning them over and the boy is shooting him another flashing smile.

  
       “Guess I’ll find out at the sorting then. See you later, whoever you are,” and he rushes to catch up with the others leaving Remus behind.  
  
       “Remus Lupin, eh?” The boy, Sirius, says as he scoots down to make room for him at the table. Remus sits and nods and then mustering his newly appointed Gryffindor courage he speaks.

  
       “Sorry about before,” he manages and inexplicably Sirius laughs.

  
       “What are you apologizing for! I knocked you over remember? Hey, Jamie,” he calls and a boy on his other side—with wild hair and giant glasses—turns, “This is the boy I was telling you about. The one you so rudely pushed me into.”

  
       The other boy lights up and extends a hand in greeting.

  
       “Oh! Sorry about that,” he flushes and smiles ruefully, “anyway, good to meet you. I’m James Potter.” Remus takes the hand and nods.

  
       “Remus Lupin.”

  
       “So, Remus,” Sirius says, “Bloody brilliant being in Gryffindor isn’t it?” And if all Remus can do is nod in response Sirius doesn’t seem to mind.  
  
       They are friends it seems when after a week Sirius’s interest in him doesn’t dim. They are friends and Remus is suddenly very afraid. Because surely someone as beautiful as Sirius will find out all of Remus’s ugliness. He should end this now. With Sirius and with the others, because clever friends will find out hidden secrets and Remus can’t afford that. This could be the worst decision of his life, loving these boys.

  
_If he let’s it be._

  
       But Remus has always loved beautiful things and there is nothing more beautiful than Sirius Black, so as time goes on he finds he cannot bear to let him go.  


                                                                                                —————————————

 

       They are pelting down the halls, Sirius’s hand gripping Remus tight as he pulls them round corners and up staircases. Behind them the sound of voices, deep and menacing, rises but no one knows this school like they do and though they may not necessarily be faster they are smarter by far. Remus feels almost detached as he stumbles along behind Sirius. His shoulder aches where the boys had held his arm behind his back and he is sure that his stomach will bruise where they hit him. He isn’t paying attention to where they are going, trusting Sirius, as he always does, implicitly, to keep him safe. Instead, he takes up steady observation of the trickle of blood that is making its way down Sirius face from the cut along his hairline. 

       They are on a staircase now one that spirals up and up. Through each window they pass Remus can see the steady fury of the rising storm. He is tired, in a distant sort of way, his breath coming in puffs and gasps, but still he finds himself unable to shake the weird daze he has fallen into ever since the attack began. It is only when they bang through a final doorway and Sirius stops that Remus begins to come back to himself. 

       “I think we lost them,” Sirius says around gulps of air. 

       He pushes Remus further into the room before looking furtively out the door and locking it violently with a spell Remus doesn’t recognize. Then before    Remus can process what he is doing Sirius has turned and his hands are on Remus’s shoulders, on his arms, his cheek.

       “Are you alright? What did they do to you? Are you hurt?” Remus is lost again in the feeling of hands ghosting over his body and the memory of the boys, 5 or maybe 6 of them, cornering him in the hallway, taking his wand. Then Sirius runs his hand down Remus’s left side and he winces sharply. Sirius’s eyes go flinty and cold. He reaches to lift Remus’s shirt, to look underneath at the wound, but Remus gently nudges him away. Remus can tell he doesn’t want to but Sirius retreats, slowly, concern written in every feature. Remus knows there is nothing badly wrong. Nothing sleep and magic can’t fix. Instead he lifts his hand to Sirius’s face and runs his thumb across the other boy’s cheek. It comes away red. 

       “You’re bleeding,” he says mildly tracing a finger across where the curse had clipped Sirius forehead. Sirius’s hand come up then to join his and when it too comes away bloody he swears and pushes himself violently away.

       “Fuck.” The word comes out long and slow as he slams a closed fist against the windowpane. Outside the rain beats harder against the glass and Remus is suddenly struck by the irony of it all. 

       “What was that?” Sirius says at last.

       “Blood supremacy at it’s finest,” Remus comments dryly, and Sirius swears again. He is pacing now. His anger resonating in each footfall. Sirius never did like to lose a fight Remus muses and they hadn’t lost so much as made a tactical retreat, but Remus doubts that makes it any better in the other boy’s eyes.  

       “I just—” Sirius starts and Remus prepares himself for the inevitable lecture on the cowardice and the general scummery of Slytherins.

       “Jesus, Remus, what if I hadn’t come along when I did. What if it’d just been you?” And when their eyes meet Remus realizes he has completely misunderstood everything. Sirius’s eyes are anguished and Remus realizes that Sirius is afraid, for him no less.  
In two strides he is at the other boy’s side his hand gripping firm on the his shoulder. 

       “You did come, okay? I’m just a little bruised is all, honestly no worse than the stuff I get hanging out with you lot.” Sirius doesn’t laugh at this weak attempt at humor, in fact he seems on the verge of tears. Remus sobers quickly and takes Sirius’s face in his palms. 

       “Hey, look at me. I’m okay, alright? Nothing bad happened.” 

       “They might of killed you,” Sirius’s voice is very small.

       “Sirius—” Remus begins, because if that isn’t the most dramatic thing he’s ever heard he doesn’t know what is, but Sirius stops him by fisting his hands in   Remus’s robes and crashing their lips together. 

       Remus can’t think. He can’t breathe. He can’t do anything because Sirius Black is kissing him. Kissing him like he almost died and it’s so… he is too stunned to move, and after a moment Sirius pulls back, horrified and repentant.

       “Merlin, I’m sorry Remus—I didn’t mean to— I shouldn’t…” Sirius is backing towards the door hands held apologetically in front of him. Remus feels frozen to the floor. It’s like watching his own life happen to him in slow motion. He realizes sluggishly that he really liked the feel of Sirius’s lips pressed against his, that he’s wanted that for a god knows how long now, and that, as Sirius fumbles his wand at the door, he will never have it again. This is it.

  
_If he lets it be._

  
       Remus’ brain seems to have gone on holiday but he remembers Sirius pressed insistently against him and he finds he doesn’t need to think or even breathe really because his body knows exactly what to do. In three strides he is across the room and hands are tangling in the other boy’s hair as he pushes their lips together again. Slowly he runs his thumb along Sirius’s cheek, smearing through the blood, and then, tilting his head slightly he lets his lips part. Sirius wraps an arm around Remus’s back pulling him closer and closer until he can feel every plane of Sirius’s slightly taller body aligned with his. It is hot and desperate and impossible to have imagined, but somehow Remus understands that this kiss is doing more to reassure Sirius than anything he could have said. 

       It is a crack of thunder that finally parts them. It booms impossibly loud and the very floor of the tower seems to shake in its fury. Startled, Sirius clutches him still tighter, punching all of the air from Remus’s lungs, and then with a small chuckle his grip relaxes slightly. They stand there nose to nose breathing each other's breath until the world stills and they can once again hear only the pounding of rain. Sirius takes one long inhale and then gently settles Remus against his chest while the two of them breathe together. 

       Remus waits for either of them to say something but the silence stretches softly around them. Slowly Remus lowers his head, nestling it in the crock of Sirius’s neck, ear pressed to his chest. As their breaths slow Remus begins to hear it, Sirius’s heart. It is light and fast, like the shudder of birds’ wings and Remus wonders if it is his now. He isn’t sure yet but he knows he’d like to find out.

 

————————————-

 

       He hasn’t spoken to Sirius in weeks.  
  
  
       The days following the prank had been horrible. He was injured, badly injured, but none of that had hurt nearly so badly as the sting of Sirius’s betrayal. It had taken him two days to pull through the potion induced haze of healing. Dumbledore had been the first to visit, gently explaining what had happened and who was at fault. He had assured Remus that nothing would change for him, Severus had been sworn to secrecy and no one was hurt save himself. Remus had hardly been able to do more that nod dumbly and thank Dumbledore over and over until the older man left. He felt sick. He had almost killed someone. Part of him felt it was horribly irresponsible to stay at Hogwarts and the other desperately clung to the fact that he was being given this second chance.  
  
       With Dumbledore gone Madam Pomfrey had told him that his friends were waiting to see him, but he found he couldn’t face them just yet, couldn’t face Sirius. It turned out he shouldn’t have worried for when at last he agreed to admit them it was just James and Peter that rushed into the room. They both spoke over one another, apologizing and worrying over him, but Remus wasn’t listening. 

       “Where’s Sirius?” He asked and they both fell suddenly silent. 

       “James and he—” Peter began, but James cut him off.

       “He’s outside, I think. I told him he couldn’t come in until we’d seen you,” he paused there looking shiftily at Peter.

       “I wasn’t sure you’d want to see him,” he muttered at last and Remus understood. James was trying to protect him. To give him time to deal with Sirius on his own terms and he felt a sudden overwhelming affection for the two boys in front of him. 

       “Thank you,” he said and that was that. The three of them moved onto more mundane topics, what Remus was missing in class and James’s latest plot to win Lily, though in a recent rush of maturity it was neither ridiculous nor embarrassing. As they sat, the three of them together, Remus almost allowed himself to forget that something horrible had happened. Almost.  
Finally, Peter declared he had an assignment to go work on and the two of them got up to leave, saying their goodbyes and promising to visit tomorrow. 

       “Do you want me to send him in?” James asked cautiously as he was going.  
Remus thought about it. Part of him very much did not want to see Sirius but another reasoned that he would have to face the other boy eventually and now was as good a time as any. 

       “Sure, I suppose,” and when James gave him a doubtful look he clarified “I want to see him.”

       A curt nod was all he got in reply and as James left Remus took a moment to collect himself.  
Sirius crept into the room cautiously, the picture perfect penitent. He approached the bed with his eyes downcast and his hands stuffed in his pockets. He stopped at the foot of Remus’s bed and seemed for a moment at a loss of what to say. 

       “Hello,” he ventured at last.

       “Hello,” Remus replied coolly and Sirius flinched. 

       Another several moments passed in silence as Sirius opened and closed his mouth and sent pitiful looks Remus’s way. Finally Remus couldn’t take it. 

       “Look if you’ve just come here to gaup at me you can go. I’m tired, I don’t have the energy for all this.” 

       He went to turn away from the other boy and close the curtains around his bed but Sirius jumped immediately to life. 

       “No! Please, don’t go. I just— Fuck!” He said and Remus noticed his hands were shaking where they held the curtain open. Sirius seemed to notice too because he immediately dropped the curtain and sunk into the chair by the bed. 

       “Look, Remus, I’m sorry. I’m so so so sorry. So impossibly, horribly sorry and I know saying it won’t do any good but I am. It was stupid and foolish and incredibly selfish and I—” His voice cracked and Remus realized that he was on the verge of tears.

       “You almost died,” Sirius said in a tiny voice, “I was trying to keep you— and I almost killed you instead.”

       “Why did you do it?” Remus hadn’t expected to ask the question, but once it was out he realize he needed to know.  
Sirius took a deep breath and dropped his eyes to his lap. 

       “I was— well it doesn’t matter what I was doing— but I overheard Snape and some of his friends talking about us, talking about you really, about how out of the four of us you were the weakest or some rot. That you were some kind of easy target. And that’s bullshit, I mean you’re the scariest of the lot of us, not least because of your furry little problem, but I remembered they didn’t know about that and then I kept remembering that time last year when I found those boys beating you up and how scared I was about what would have happened if I hadn’t been there and I felt like I had to do something. I think I thought I would just scare Snape a bit so he and cronies would lay off, but it all went so horribly wrong and… yeah. It sounds stupid now. It was stupid, but that’s why I guess.”  
It was stupid but it was also a very _Sirius_ thing to do. Remus got why he did it, really he did, but he wished that for once in his goddamn life Sirius would think about something before he acted.

       “Oh, Sirius,” he said, exasperated, and Sirius looked up at him with desperate eyes. 

       “I know it was a horrible thing to do and I know nothing I say will make it better, but I can’t lose you over this not when I can do better, not when I will do better, you’ll see, I promise, I just—I know I don’t deserve it but I need you to forgive me, Remus, please.” 

       And Remus almost said he did just to get that horrible look of desperation off of Sirius’s face, but he knew it wouldn’t have been true. Not yet. 

       “I not sure I’m ready to do that yet,” he said gently and Sirius’s whole body seemed to crumple. 

       “Right,” he muttered “of course. That’s totally fair.”

       Remus tried not to hate himself as he watched Sirius’s eyes get shiny and his chin tremble.

       “Just give me some time, Sirius, okay?”

       Sirius nodded, slightly mechanically.

       “Sure, I can do that. Of course.” He stood abruptly. “I think I need—do you mind if I go now?” He was back to not meeting Remus’s eyes.

       “Okay,” Remus said and Sirius practically fled the room. 

       That had been three weeks ago. As much as Remus had wanted to stay angry, as much as he was still angry, it wasn’t with Sirius. He had forgiven him too quickly, as he was apt to do, and decided to let him stew for a few days in the hopes he would learn his lesson. But it had been a few days too many it seemed and now Sirius was avoiding him. 

       Not overtly, not in any way that Remus could really call him out on but despite his best efforts he couldn’t seem to catch Sirius alone. He was pleasant in group settings, if slightly more reserved than he used to be, but whenever it would have been just the two of them he managed to disappear. He was different too in ways that were good, Remus supposed, if unsettling. He was more thoughtful, less reckless, his work got done on time and not once since the incident had he asked to borrow Remus’s notes or look over his homework. Remus was beginning to feel that he had done something wrong and the irony of the whole situation was not lost on him. The longer it went on, the more he began to worry that this could be it for them. Whatever it was that had been growing between them ever since that kiss after the fight was still fragile and new and oh so precious to Remus. He realized that it could be snuffed out before it had room to grow and he feared that this could be the end.

  
_If he lets it be._  


       Something had to be done. He could be brave and he wasn’t a Marauder for nothing. He plotted a diversion for James and Peter that would keep them out of his way. He asked enough questions to know all the particulars of Sirius’s schedule. He stole the map and the cloak, and he waited. He followed Sirius’s dot until it was headed, alone, up to the dorm and then slipping under the cloak he watched Sirius come in and then spelled the door shut behind him. It was a completely absurd level of subterfuge but Remus was done. He missed Sirius. In a deep aching sort of way. He missed his warmth and presence and occasional kisses and consistent love. He missed him and all this avoiding was making him sad and anxious. 

       With Sirius fully in the room he removed the cloak and cleared his throat. The way Sirius startled would have been comical if Remus wasn’t so preoccupied.

       “Oh,” Sirius managed, at last, “Remus, I didn’t see you there.” 

       Remus held up the cloak and shrugged unapologetically. 

       “I know,” he said simply. There was tense silence as Sirius looked anywhere but at Remus, his expression carefully blank. 

       “I actually to have to go now,” he muttered at last and made to move around Remus to the door. 

       “Where?” Remus said getting in his way again.

       “I have a thing.”

       “No you don’t,” Remus said firmly and Sirius’s eyes flicked up in surprise, “I checked.”

       “I’m sorry, you checked?”

       “Yeah I made sure you had nothing on tonight before I arrived.”

       “Oh,” Sirius didn’t seem to know what to do with that piece of information, “well promised Marlene I would help her with…um…potions, so I’d best be off

then.”

       “Can’t you miss it?” Remus asked.

       “No, no, I’m afraid it’s rather urgent you see,” Sirius eased his way passed Remus, making sure not to touch him or make eye contact, “Can’t be missed, really.” 

       Remus’ heart contracted painfully, but then Sirius reached the locked door and when he found himself unable to open it he looked back at Remus in exasperation and something smelling strongly of panic. 

       “What the fuck?” 

       Remus merely shrugged trying to maintain his calm facade. 

       “You’ve been avoiding me Sirius.”

       “Have not,” the other boy muttered petulantly but his cheeks colored slightly as he stared a hole in the floor. 

       “You have,” Remus said, surprised despite himself. He found some part of him had been hoping it wasn’t true, that there could be some other explanation for Sirius’s odd behavior. “You’ve actually been avoiding me.” He hated that he sounded hurt. 

       Sirius sighed then, deep and resigned, before tugging halfhearted at the door once more. He said nothing. 

       “What did I do wrong?” Remus said. It wasn’t what he’d been planning to say but there it was. The question that had been burning at him since this whole circus had begun. What had he done to make Sirius betray him like he had and then to avoid him so thoroughly? As far as he could tell Sirius was the one in the wrong, but this whole thing had seemed to shift around somehow left him feeling insecure and horribly vulnerable. He wanted to hide inside himself, to take the question back, and ask something powerful and accusatory instead but he couldn’t and when he finally looked up Sirius was looking at him, his eyes intense. 

       “What do you mean?” Sirius said.

       “I just—I don’t understand what happened is all. I thought—but then you were avoiding me, you wouldn’t look at me, could barely be in the same room as me, and I—I just don’t understand what I did wrong.” Remus was appalled to find tears brimming in his eyes and he furiously tried to blink them back. Sirius was in front of him in an instant. 

       “Nothing! Remus, you didn’t do anything wrong, it was me—it was all me okay? I’m the one who fucked everything up.” His hands were on Remus’s face catching the tears as they fell and sweeping them away. 

       “That’s what I thought,” Remus hiccuped, “But then why the fuck have you been avoiding me.”  
Sirius stepped back then and Remus felt the loss of contact like a physical blow. He watched as the other boy turned around and sat heavily on his bed, letting his head fall into his hands. 

       “I had mucked everything up,” Sirius began shakily, “what I did to you was horrible. Beyond horrible. It was irresponsible, and selfish, and terribly dangerous so of course you couldn’t forgive me for it. I didn’t deserve your forgiveness.” He said this savagely and Remus felt a little bit broken watching all the loathing Sirius held inside himself, for himself. “I knew I didn’t deserve it, that you had a right to be mad and that I had to live with that, but I couldn’t.” He looked up at Remus helplessly, as if willing him to understand. “I couldn’t bear it, Moons. I couldn’t bear being in the same room as you, looking at you, and not being able to have you. I wanted you so much and it was my own damn fault it would never happen.” Remus felt like a there a weight pressing on his chest, making it impossible to breathe, but Sirius kept talking. “I wanted to touch you, to laugh with you, to—to kiss you, and I didn’t have a right to do any of those things anymore. But I couldn’t trust myself not to do them, not with you right there, so I avoided you. And I’m sorry—I just—I’m sorry Re, for everything. Fuck I’m so sorry.”

       Remus felt a sudden lightness overwhelm him and then he was moving towards Sirius who had pulled himself back against the headboard, knees to his chest. He looked small, and vulnerable and it would have made Remus ache but he knew better. They were going to be okay.  
He crawled onto the foot of the bed and then slowly made his way up until he was right in front of Sirius. The other boy’s head was hidden in a ball of knees and arms.

       “Sirius,” Remus said gently, “look at me please.” He waited patiently until Sirius did. “When I said I couldn’t forgive you I didn’t mean ever. Apparently I didn’t even mean for very long because I forgave you weeks ago.”

       “What?”

       “And I would have told you, but you were avoiding me.”

       “Oh god,” Sirius muttered, “You mean it?”

       “Yeah.”

       “But why? I don’t deserve it. I know what I did was awful, I know—”

       “Sirius, stop. There is nothing you can do that I won’t forgive you for eventually. Nothing. I love you, Pads,” he felt a thrill at the way the words felt slipping from his tongue, “and you bet your arse I want you.”

       Remus was barely inches from his face now, nestled between Sirius’s bent knees, and Sirius seemed to have forgotten how to breathe. Finally, he gasped in several deep needy, breaths.

       “Seriously?”

       “Seriously, seriously,” Remus replied with a smile and then he kissed him.

       They kissed and kissed. Apologizing with their bodies until both were gasping and clutching at the other’s clothes. Then, slowly, tentatively, they removed that barrier too and fell together in a new and inexpressibly brilliant way. It was awkward as they fumbled through things neither had done but had each furiously dreamed upon. Then, after, when they were sweaty and tired and perhaps a bit sore, Remus laid himself flush along Sirius’s body, not wanting this new found intimacy to end. Pressed together as they were, Remus could hear Sirius’s heart beating neatly alongside his own as if together they made one whole beautiful thing that would go on and on and on, forever.  
  


——————————-

  
       It’s 5 years later and he can feel it already, as Sirius moves above him, the creeping hesitation that has slipped into everything between them. That uncertainty that is slowly damning them. Remus hates it. But there is something new there too, a sort of desperation that takes over and makes the touches lengthen and linger as though they are memorizing every moment of this. Remus knows, unequivocally, this is the end.  
He savors it. Every second. The way Sirius’s hands ghost over his sides, the crease in his brow. He commits each moan, each rasp of stubble and gasp of breath, to eternal memory. If this is the last he gets of Sirius he will have it all. 

       After, as they lay tangled together, Sirius holds him too close and Remus lays his head on that familiar spot on Sirius’s chest. Together their breaths steady and their sweat cools and then, he hears it. The faint fluttering of Sirius’s heart, like a bird, wild and reckless, but to Remus so so familiar. It hits him that he had once heard that sound and promised forever. Their love was going to light up the world then. And now? Now it is the end. 

  
_If he lets it be._ _  
_

 

       “I can hear it,” he says too softly, but Sirius hears.

       “Hear what?” Sirius says and his hands thread through Remus’s hair, gripping gently. 

       “Your heart.”

       A moment. Then Sirius speaks, his voice tight and too bright. 

       “It’s still there then?”

       Remus looks up and meets his lover’s gaze, sad and resigned. 

  
_If he lets it be._  


       The thought is like a gasp of air. Bright and fresh. One he is longing to take. Three shallow breaths, in and out, and Remus makes the choice to change it all. He opens his mouth and inhales. 

       “I’m not the traitor,” his voice is clear and steady and Sirius looks back with eyes full of sorrow and doubt. Then at the end as the emotion dances across his face there is a flicker of desperate hope. It is that hope of a hope that pulls the words out of Remus’s mouth and he tells Sirius everything he's done in the last year. Every secret he has kept, every mission he has been on. He tells it all, no longer willing to lie to this man who so desperately needs the truth. No longer willing to let him believe the worst when he, Remus, has the power to say otherwise. 

       When he finishes at long last Sirius’s eyes are a war of emotion. Confusion, doubt, and fear all compete for purchase, but there is also, want and love and Remus hopes it’ll be enough. When they finally settle, clear and bright and grey, it is as if time itself has stopped. As if all of Remus’s existence, short and painful as it’s been, has condensed into this moment. He is caught on the edge of his future and he waits for Sirius to tip him off.  
Sirius reaches up and cups Remus’s face. His hands are cool and his thumb tracks the scars that score his left cheek. Remus feels light headed from the waiting but simultaneously afraid for this moment to end should it happen to be his last. Then Sirius tilts his forehead to press gently against Remus’s own and closes his eyes as if in a prayer. 

       “I believe you,” he whispers, quiet and certain. And with no fear of the landing Remus falls.

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to first thank the amazing mods of this fest who were so welcoming and ran a delightfully entertaining discord channel. 
> 
> Secondly, and arguably most importantly, I need to thank iboughtaplant. She was my amazing beta on this fic but also my partner in crime for this fest. She is very, very cool and very, very talented, so thank you.
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr at @elle-ja-belle [Link](https://elle-ja-bell.tumblr.com)


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